In My Head
by Loony4moony816
Summary: In which Kurt is a boy and serenades Puck.


Disclaimer: Don't own the song or characters, just the plot.

* * *

Kurt knew that most people thought him of as a girl. It didn't help that just last week he referred to himself as an honorary girl. And that he continuously chooses to spend time with the female half of Glee. And that he has a tiara collection.

The thing is, Kurt is _not_ a girl. Nor does he ever want to be one. He likes being a guy. His skin doesn't break out according to menstrual cycles. He doesn't pee blood once a month for five days (_Ew_). He doesn't have to worry about the size of his breasts and whether or not that new Dior top shows too much of them. No, Kurt is not a girl.

Being a guy means lots of things. He has natural muscle tone (honed, of course, by years of dance). He can pee standing up. It also means that he is constantly horny.

That's what really gets to him. Being gay does not mean that he doesn't get a hard on at the drop of a hat. On the contrary, many a time has Kurt spent in class, hard and uncomfortable just because he shifted the (right) wrong way and the zipper on his jeans rubbed along his dick. He jerks off at least three times a day (although, never at school (except that one time. Come on, Finn was _singing _and _dancing_ to _The Doors_). In short, Kurt thought about sex just as much as any other hot-blooded American male.

Which is why he was currently sitting at the gleek lunch table, sporting a massive hard-on while not so subtlety leering at Noah Puckerman.

You might be confused. After all, Kurt is in love with Finn Hudson. Right? Wrong. Finn was so _last semester_. At some point in the course of getting ready for Regionals and his disastrous matchmaking plan (his father and Carol were still together, not that Kurt minded, he was happy for his dad), Kurt began to see Finn for who he really was. Straight. Straight and dorky and adorable in a I-want-to-pet-your-head kind of way. He loves Finn. Finn will forever be his first massive crush and now a great friend/brother figure. He loves Finn, but he needs to set his sight on someone that was _boyfriend material_.

Enter Noah Puckerman. Grade A jackass, right? Wrong. Puck was rough around the edges, sure. He was abrasive and rude and very, very unkempt. But he was also sweet and kind and helped freshman find their lockers and picked up his little sister from school and pushed Artie around when he was tired and—

Noah Puckerman could be a world class douche, but that made it all the better when he was a run-of-the-mill nice guy. Kurt could see that now.

But back to Kurt being a guy. Sure, all the personality stuff made Noah (always Noah in his head) appealing. And that was great. If Kurt was a girl. But he wasn't. Kurt is a boy and Noah Puckerman is the hottest thing to ever hit the town of Lima, Ohio.

Jesus Christ, were his arms nice. And his chest. And his ass. Holy _Mother_, Noah had an ass that Kurt could sink his teeth into.

Which is how Kurt is sitting at the gleek lunch table with a dick that could drill through diamond, imagining riding Noah Puckerman on top of said table until both boys came so hard, their ancestors could see white spots behind their eyelids.

He knew he really shouldn't be doing this, because coming in these jeans was _not_ an option, but Kurt was a visual kind of guy and as fun as it was thinking of Noah's face as he jerked off at home in bed, it was _so_ much better seeing the real thing laughing and talking to his friends right there in front of him.

So much better to look at the exact type of jeans that Kurt would have to unzip so that he could swallow the (probably) enormous cock down to the root, so that his (cute, button) nose hit those fantastic abs. Kurt's fingers twitched as he resisted the urge to do just that. A tiny whimper escaped, however, as Puck leaned back in the plastic chair, spread his legs even wider, and let his hand rest oh so close to the object of Kurt's desire. In case you didn't get it, the object of Kurt's desire is Noah's penis.

Would it really be so bad? Would it really be so inappropriate to strip naked in front of Noah and dance, proclaiming, "Take me, I'm yours"? No. It really wouldn't be. So long as there was a chance he could have someone else get him off, for once, the price really wasn't worth mentioning.

Just as Kurt was opening his mouth to ask Noah if he could help him find a bar of soap in a conveniently empty, abandoned janitor's closet, the bell rang. _FUCK._

With a tap on the shoulder (it wasn't a hand on a dick, but it was physical contact!) and a nod, Puck was off and Kurt was left with a _spectacular_ view of his ass and a cock so filled with blood, he was pretty sure there was nothing left in the rest of his body.

Crap. Now he had to walk to pre-calculus. Fuck.

* * *

The day ended on a much higher note (pun SO not intended) when Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford approached him after Glee rehearsal. Not with sexual favors, unfortunately, but with something almost as good.

"I need a third person for my song presentation on Thursday and you're perfect."

Kurt eyed Mike warily, "Why me? Why not one of the football-" here he paused to air-quote effectively, "'bros'."

Mike grinned and shoved him kiddingly, "Dude. You _are _a football bro."

Matt and Kurt exchanged incredulous looks before bursting out into laughter. Mike was unfazed, "C'mon, Kurt, I need a good singer who can dance too. And you're the only dude in Glee that fits that bill."

"As _flattering_ as that sentiment is, I can't—"

"It'll help you get in Puck's pants."

Kurt choked on his saliva, "W-what?"

Mike and Matt traded looks, smirks evident on both their faces, "Oh, come _on_. At lunch today, you looked like you wanted to suck every drop of spooge he has and will ever have."

A blush crawled up his neck and rested comfortably on Kurt's cheeks, "I have no idea of what you are so crudely implying."

Mike rolled his eyes, "Dude, you wanting to sleep with Puck is cool. Hell, it's _expected_. I'm not into dude-ass, but even _I _think its something I can sink my teeth into."

"Thank you!" Kurt smacked himself in the head when he realized what he just said, "I-I-Okay, fuck it. I want to do him. How will this help?"

"Trust me. It's perfect."

* * *

Kurt never thought in a million years would he be doing this. He thought _he_ would be the one serenaded. After all, the fucker serenaded _Rachel Berry_ with Sweet Caroline. Why not him? Oh, yeah. Because Kurt is a guy and he is well within his rights to serenade someone else. He still never expected for it to go down like this.

He walks into the choir room right as the bell rings with strong, powerful strides. Too caught up in trying to look casual, Kurt barreled straight into Puck's back.

He whirls around, "Sorry, dude, didn't see you."

Kurt looks wide-eyed at Puck, "No, my fault. Didn't see you there."

A moment passes before realization dawns on Puck's face, "_Hummel?!_"

Kurt really couldn't blame him. He almost didn't recognize _himself_ when passing by a mirror earlier. His bangs were gelled up, his jeans loosely hanging off his hips. The effect was topped off with a Sting band shirt. To put it simply, Kurt looked like a bro.

He twirled for effect, "Like it?"

Puck's eyes were still wide, his jaw still dropped, and mouth still silent. This was either really good or really bad. Not that Kurt was thinking about it. He was too busy imagining himself sticking his dick into Puck's (fantastically) open mouth.

Luckily, both were saved when Mr. Schuester called the present meeting to order. Kurt and Puck made their way to their seats, Puck still in shock.

Mr. Schue spared Kurt a confused glance before shaking his head, "Now, we all know that Mike is a dance champion—" Mike stood on his chair pumping his fists as the rest of the club laughed and cheered in agreement, "—but we're about to hear more of his talents. Ladies and gents, I give you Mike Chang!" With a sweep of his arms, Schue gave the stage to Mike, Matt, and Kurt, all dressed nearly alike.

Mike nodded at Matt and Kurt, who turned their backs to their audience in response. Music filled the room. Kurt gulped before shaking off his nerves. Mike started off:

_Come on._

Matt and Kurt, who were on either side of him flipped around to face the club. The three boys fell into Mike's choreography. They popped their shoulders while thrusting their hips.

_Everybody's looking for love. Oh. Oh._

_Ain't that the reason you're at this club. Oh. Oh._

_You ain't gonna find it dancing with her. No. Oh._

_I got a better solution for you boy. Oh. Oh._

Mike deliberately changed the pronouns, for which Kurt was eternally grateful. 'Cause this song? This song was _perfect_.

_Just leave with me now. Say the word and we'll go._

_I'll be your teacher. I'll show you the ropes._

_You'll see a side of love you've never known._

_I can see it going down, going down._

As Kurt sang the last verse, the three boys fell back on to their hands, kicking their legs up. The next move brought a blush to Kurt's face every time he did it. They flipped their bodies so that they were in push up position and proceeded to make very lewd thrusts against the floor. Kurt heard catcalling from his audience and chose to ignore them.

_In my head, I see you all over me._

_In my head, you fulfill my fantasy._

_You'll be screaming out._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head. Yeah. In my head. Oh yeah._

The boys were on their feet again, swaying and thrusting to the beat. At Mike's count, they grabbed the chairs that were in front of them and, in unison, placed their right legs on the seats, following with a roll of their hips. Kurt's head flew back as he thought of how _delicious_ it would be to dance like this against another body.

_Some dudes know all the right things to say._

_When it comes down to it, it's all just game._

_Instead of talking let me demonstrate. Yeah._

_Get down to business and skip foreplay._

As one, they kicked the chairs forward, right before running and jumping right over them. The girls screamed as the three boys flew over the chairs and fell back into them, legs flying up into 'v's. Kurt was _completely_ red as he lifted his legs into a view, offering the club a great view of his crotch and ass.

_Just leave with me now. Say the word and we'll go._

_I'll be your teacher. I'll show you the ropes._

_You'll see a side of love you've never known._

_I can see it going down, going down._

From their spread position, Mike, Matt, and Kurt threw their weight backward, leading to the chairs flying back as they smoothly executed back somersaults back into standing positions.

_In my head, I see you all over me._

_In my head, you fulfill my fantasy._

_You'll be screaming out._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head. _

Kurt locked eyes with the wide-eyed Puck. He pointed at him with more bravado then he actually had, singing:

_Break it down. Ay-oh. Come on. Ay-oh. Ay-oh. _

_You singing to me baby in my head right now. Ay-oh. Ay-oh. Come on._

_He'll be screaming out when it all goes down._

Mike and Matt flanked Kurt, Mike from the front and Matt from the back. Kurt fell back against Matt's chest. Matt held him from under his arms as Kurt wrapped his legs around Mike's waist. Now for the trifecta. As Mike sang the next part, Kurt thrust his hips up wantonly. Holy _shit_, he was a slut.

_Just leave with me now, Say the word and we'll go. We can go._

_I'll be your teacher. I'll show you the ropes._

_You'll see a side of love you've never known._

_I can see it going down, going down._

The two bigger boys let him go and Kurt stood, locking his arms above his head, making figure eights with the roll of his hips. Mike and Matt circled him, popping and locking.

_In my head, I see you all over me._

_In my head, you fulfill my fantasy._

_You'll be screaming out._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head, it's going down._

The three stood back in a line and in one beat, they ran forward and slid on their knees. Once on the floor, they leaned back against one arm and thrusted their hips forward, toward the club. The girls shrieked again and Kurt smirked at Puck, hoping that he looked more confident then he actually felt.

_In my head, I see you all over me. _

_In my head, you fulfill my fantasy._

_You'll be screaming out._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head, it's going down._

_In my head._

The song ended with them still on their knees, hips in the air. One or two moments of silence passed before the club was on their feet, cheering and catcalling. "SEXY" "DAMN STRAIGHT" and, "That was particularly enjoyable!" filled the air.

Oh, poor Mr. Schue. He was clapping and shaking his head when he addressed the club, "Guys, that was _fantastic_. Kurt, I love that you're really exploring your lower range. Mike, nice choreography. Matt, I think your range can go even higher, which works really well with the song.

Kurt was having none of if, "But…"

Schue laughed and shook his head warily, "Why is it that your _best_ numbers are _always_ inappropriate?"

Kurt, Mike, and Matt looked at each other before cracking up. The club joined in soon after. "So does this mean we can't do this song for Regionals?" Kurt asked cheekily.

Mr. Schue replied, just as cheeky, "I don't know. It's a toss up between this and Push It."

They dissolved into laughter again. And so rehearsal went.

As everyone was packing up to go, Mercedes took Kurt aside, "I saw how you were singing to Puck."

Kurt sighed, "'Cedes, I know it's not the best crush to have, but he really is nice and—"

She cut him off, "And having sex with him would be _really_ awesome."

Kurt blinked, "What?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes, "Oh, come _on._ Kurt, boy, you're a _boy_. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you don't have the same libido as every other guy."

Kurt wondered once again as to how in the world he managed to get the best friend in the entire world, "So you don't judge me for wanting to screw him until I'm cross eyed?"

"Oh, hell to the no. Just make sure you remember everything and call me tonight because he's coming over this way. Bye!"

Kurt watched as she quickly left the room. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to turn to the only other occupant of the room. He didn't have to.

He gasped as a pair of strong arms encircled his waist and a chin rested on his left shoulder. He shuddered as hot breath reached his ear, "So, I'd be all over you in your head? What else happens in your head, _Kurt_?" He placed a kiss right under the countertenor's ear.

Kurt moaned and let his head fall back against Puck's shoulder, "You have _no_ idea, Noah."

"Tell me. Do I make go use of this?" Puck's hand moved from Kurt's waist to palm the erection Kurt was already sporting. Kurt gasped and thrust forward, needing the friction.

In a barely-there, breathy moan, he replied, "Not as much as I make use of this." With that, Kurt shoved his ass back into Puck's jean clad hard on. Puck groaned and ground his hips into Kurt's willing ass, "Show me, Kurt. Show me what we do in your head."

Kurt didn't need a second invitation. Using all of his strength, he shoved Puck against the piano, cheering when Puck looks even more turned on. Then, without further preamble, Kurt places his hands on Puck's shoulders, using their leverage to jump up against Puck. Instead of wrapping his legs around his waist, however, Kurt decided to let then rest against the top of the piano, leaving more room to get on to business.

Which involved the rubbing of two crotches in a delicious friction. Two head flew back in pleasure. "God_damn_, Hummel. Jesus." Puck thrust up again and again, and Kurt could feel the other boy coming undone. Forcing his eyes open, Kurt watched as Puck's eyes shut and mouth drop open in a 'O' before Puck all but screamed Kurt's name.

Kurt could feel the pulsing of Puck's dick as he came in his jeans. _Fuck_ if that wasn't the _hottest_ thing. He rubbed his still-hard dick against the growing wet-spot, reveling in the fact that he made _Noah Puckerman_ come in his pants.

Kurt was close. So fucking close. He could barely get any air into his lungs as he gasped with each flare of pleasure that originated at the very tip of his dick and migrated _everywhere_, "Ah, Noah, ohmy_god_, Noah! I have to come. I have to _come_."

"Jesus, Hummel, never got off with anyone before?" Kurt took a shuddering breath as his shook his head, hips still flying up and down. He was on fire. Nothing was this intense. He could feel every heart beat with every throb of his swelling cock. "Alright, alright, just breathe."

Tears squeezed out of the corners of Kurt's eyes as he desperately tried to reach completion. _Fuck_. All thoughts flew out the window as Puck reached into Kurt's pants and grabbed the throbbing dick, "_NOAH!" _Kurt's voice was so foreign to his own ears.

Puck placed a kiss on Kurt's neck as he swiped a calloused thumb across the head of Kurt's dick, once, twice. Kurt _wailed_, "_Noooooo-AHHH!"_ His back arched impossibly as he shot streams of come in his jeans. It was too much. White exploded behind his eyes before everything went black.

The first thing he saw when he came to was a pair of amused hazel-eyes, "What—what happened?" God, his throat was raw.

Puck smirked, "You came and then you passed out. For fifteen minutes."

Kurt shut his eyes and groaned, "Oh, God, that is _so_ embarrassing."

"Hot. That is so _hot_."

"At least one of us thinks so."

"So, Hummel, wanna go somewhere to fuck?"

"Yes. _Hell_ yes."

"Awesome. _You'll see a side of love you've never known_."

"Fuck you."

"That's the plan."


End file.
